The great divide

By Julian Sudre

AN ASCENT – into the kingdom of my psyche jolted me awake and elevated the burning desire to step into who I was. I was the prisoner of my own self without being able to be at the helm – the chronic, yet tempestuous revolt my own enemy mounted has been placated.

Thrown deliberately into this world before my consciousness opened up, I acted with foul manner and in exchange got the wrong part – I was the actor that nobody wanted; my time was not due and my being employed for the right job was unconceivable at that.

I felt like I was projected into the most challenging part of the theatre kingdom, but this time, it was no drama -- but life.
I was not the one who wrote the script; I did not set the location; I even did not choose the language. I had the option to play along and comprehend, grasp the substance of the game and score like a well-rounded, mature player would have done. All right, I scored in my own camp, the rain then came lashing down and the next chance to be back on the field was protracted.

My life has turned into a play, or more precisely, my cue was to enact the core of wisdom, the silky material that weaves itself round our reactions and actions only becomes real when we turn our thinking to it. Because all is the creation of our own imagination. The figment that sparks the eternal reality has blended both worlds and I hang right in between. The more I resist, the more I get absorbed into materialist visions of a world that was thrown at me.

Bang goes the resistance. I slip into the subservient mode, call my dogs off. Goodbye the personal riots. No, I am not a loser; to all purposes and intents, I have re-interpreted the meaning of philosophy and feel its offshoots growing straight trough my conceptions.

For all the alluring figures that I can’t get hold of, they are only the manifestation of my subconscious.
Only if I knew the subconscious had an influencing power to shape my own destiny. Then I would be looking through the mirror to reflect their own reality.